A Third Post About Tone

I am totally fascinated with this issue of tone-of-voice.
A quick recap... a friend of mine, a fellow club member, has an problem with her tone of voice. She wants to be a professional speaker. I feel her problem with tone could hurt her more than help her. It took me a few weeks to realize my frustrations with her had to do with her tone-of-voice. Once I did, it opened up a new world for me. Two things have happened since my previous post about this.

First, I realized that I use this tone. Last year I got some great feedback from someone about how he or she often felt it's Sara's way or the highway. It was probably the best bit of feedback I ever got. I have spent a bit of time working on this for the past year. I have tried to be more suggestive than insistent with ideas. I determined what was important too me, what I wanted to have integrity about as opposed to things I wanted to mentor people on or help them brainstorm about. I have developed a love for "I" statements-- I feel, I hear, I think, I wonder, I suggest... the list goes on.
One of our new members hit the nail on the head though. In a casual discussion about tone she noted that I too have a very strong tone at times. I suddenly connected the feedback I got with the issue I had with someone else. Now I have a better idea of what I should work on- my own tone!

Second, my previously mentioned friend is having a hard time with her tone. She has received some feedback about it from various people. Others, those she is not friendly with, are having a difficult time with it. They are finding her too aggressive, pushy, hounding, demanding. She is pushing guests away from the club and is aware of it. She may be pushing members away from the club. I am struggling with how to advise her. I do know to wait until she comes to me. If I don't I run the risk of doing to her what she is doing to others: using my forceful tone to push something on her. A number of you continue to give me that advice and I am taking it.
I see it slip in when she is not getting her way. Instead of trying to explain herself better, she just starts pushing what she wants. I know I have to wait- she has to see the problem and want to change. I am still amazed at how I can see it happening and know what is contributing to her frustrations.